The National Catholic Register portal (September 12, 2026) publishes a commentary by Daniel Payne, senior editor at the conciliar Catholic News Agency, celebrating his self-described “superpower” of acquiring free Blackstone griddles for large families. The article details the practical utility of a 36-inch outdoor griddle for batch cooking, frames this domestic efficiency as a “ministry” of passing on reseasoned cooktops, and plugs Payne’s forthcoming book Be Fruitful: Why More Catholics Should Get Married and Have Lots of Babies from EWTN Publishing. The piece reduces the vocation of Catholic marriage to logistical management of caloric intake, wholly devoid of the supernatural order.
The Total Eclipse of the Supernatural in Conciliar “Family Ministry”
The cited article relates a scene of bourgeois comfort: a minivan stuffed with rolled steel, a back deck lined with curing griddles, the “satisfying” ritual of reseasoning. Nowhere does the author breathe a word of the Sacrament of Matrimony as a mysterium signifying Christ’s union with His Church (Eph. 5:32). Nowhere is there mention of the primary end of marriage—the procreation and education of children for heaven—as defined by the Codex Iuris Canonici (Canon 1013 §1) and reiterated by Pius XI in Casti Connubii (1930). The “blessing” identified is not gratia sanctificans but the reduction of dinner prep from twenty-five minutes to twelve. This is practical naturalism elevated to a pastoral program. The “large Catholic family” here is not a domestic church ordered to the Kingdom of Christ (Pius XI, Quas Primas: “His reign encompasses also all non-Christians… the entire human race is subject to the authority of Jesus Christ”), but a caloric management unit optimized by consumer hardware.
Linguistic Decay: The Vocabulary of the “Neo-Church” Laity
Payne’s rhetoric is saturated with the secular idiom of the conciliar revolution. He speaks of a “strange superpower,” “knack,” “Johnny Appleseed of Blackstones,” “Dust Bowl Okie,” “hassle,” “time-saver,” “pleasure,” “fun.” The tone is that of a lifestyle blogger, not a Catholic writer. The word “ministry” is profaned, applied to the distribution of cookware: “Whenever I find another griddle, I clean it up, reseason it, and hand it off to another big family… We joke that I’m like the Johnny Appleseed of Blackstones.” This trivialization of ministerium—which belongs to the munus docendi, sanctificandi, regendi of the true priesthood—exemplifies the democratization of the sacred condemned by St. Pius X in Lamentabili sane exitu (Prop. 50: “The elders fulfilling supervisory functions… were appointed by the Apostles as priests or bishops… but they did not, in the proper sense, continue the apostolical mission and authority”). The laity, severed from the true hierarchy, usurp priestly language for kitchen logistics.
Theological Bankruptcy: “Catholic” Families Inside the Conciliar Sect
The article repeatedly references “large Catholic families” and “Catholic families with whom we’re friends.” From the perspective of integral doctrine, these are families enrolled in the conciliar sect, subject to the jurisdiction of the usurper antipope Leo XIV (Robert Prevost) and his “bishops,” “priests,” and “deacons” who derive their orders from the invalid Novus Ordo rites of Paul VI (1968). They attend the “Mass” of the Novus Ordo Missae—a cena stripped of the propitiatory sacrifice, the Real Presence obscured by a theology of “memorial” and “community.” Their “marriages” are often contracted before “priests” lacking valid orders, rendering the forma of the sacrament doubtful at best. Payne’s book, published by EWTN Publishing—an arm of the paramasonic structure occupying the Vatican—will doubtless reinforce the hermeneutic of continuity that masks the rupture of Vatican II. The Syllabus of Errors (Pius IX, 1864) condemns the proposition: “The Church is not a true and perfect society… but it appertains to the civil power to define what are the rights of the Church” (Error 19). Today, the “civil power” is the conciliar hierarchy itself, which has redefined the Church as a “people of God” pilgrim in history, stripping Her of Her perfect society nature and Her coercive jurisdiction over the baptized.
Symptomatic Analysis: The “Apostolate of the Griddle” as Fruit of False Ecumenism and Religious Liberty
Why does a “senior editor” of the conciliar “Catholic News Agency” publish a griddle review? Because the conciliar sect has no supernatural mission left to proclaim. Having embraced Dignitatis Humanae‘s false doctrine of religious liberty—condemned by Gregory XVI (Mirari Vos, 1832) and Pius IX (Quanta Cura, 1864)—it cannot call nations to the Social Kingship of Christ (Quas Primas: “Rulers of states… have the duty to publicly honor Christ and obey Him”). Having embraced Nostra Aetate‘s false ecumenism, it cannot proclaim Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus in its rigorous sense. Having embraced Gaudium et Spes‘s anthropocentrism, it cannot preach mortificatio and contemptus mundi. What remains? Domestic tips for comfortable living within the apostasy. The “apostolate of the griddle” is the logical terminus of a “church” that has replaced the Cross with the crockpot. Payne’s “ministry” feeds bodies that are starved of the Bread of Angels because the “priests” who serve them offer a simulacrum of sacrifice.
The “Book” as Instrument of Conciliar Propaganda
Payne plugs Be Fruitful: Why More Catholics Should Get Married and Have Lots of Babies (EWTN Publishing, October 2026). The title itself reveals the naturalist reduction: marriage is for “having babies,” not for sanctifying souls. The publisher, EWTN, is a flagship of the neo-church, founded by the “nun” Mother Angelica (never canonized by a true Pope), dedicated to the “New Evangelization”—a Modernist program condemned in radice by St. Pius X in Pascendi Dominici Gregis (1907): “The Church is an enemy of the progress of natural and theological sciences… Truth changes with man” (Lamentabili, Prop. 57-58). This book will not teach the indissolubility of marriage against the conciliar “annulment” factories; it will not teach the sin of onanism against the “responsible parenthood” of Humanae Vitae (itself a concession to the contraceptive mentality); it will teach demographic optimism as a substitute for the Faith.
Canon 188.4 and the Vacancy of the See: The Invisible Context
The article exists in a vacuum of authority. It presumes the legitimacy of the “pope,” the “bishops,” the “Canon Law” of 1983. But Canon 188.4 of the 1917 Code—the last valid Code—states: “Every office becomes vacant by the mere fact and without any declaration… if the cleric: 4. Publicly defects from the Catholic faith.” The conciliar “popes” from John XXIII onward have publicly defected: by worshipping with heretics (Assisi 1986, 2002, 2011), by teaching religious liberty as a right, by promulgating a false ecclesiology (Lumen Gentium), by instituting a “Mass” that expresses a Protestant theology of the Lord’s Supper. Ipso facto, they lost all jurisdiction. Bellarmine (De Romano Pontifice 2.30): “A manifest heretic… ceases to be Pope and head… by that very fact.” Payne writes as a subject of a “Church” whose visible head is an antipope, whose “bishops” are intrusi, whose “sacraments” are doubtful or invalid. His griddles feed families marching toward the abyss with a smile.
Conclusion: The Abomination of Desolation in the Kitchen
The article is a microcosm of the Great Apostasy. It presents a “Catholic” life stripped of the Cross, the Mass, the Confessional, the Last Things, the Social Kingship of Christ. It offers the conciliar sect’s faithful a ersatz Catholicism: numerous children, efficient cooking, cheerful camaraderie, books from “Catholic” publishers—all within a structure that is not the Catholic Church. “When God and Jesus Christ… were removed from laws and states… the foundations of that authority were destroyed” (Pius XI, Quas Primas, quoting Ubi Arcano). When Christ the King is removed from the family—replaced by the Blackstone griddle as the center of domestic “ministry”—the family is not a domestic church but a well-fed cell of the Antichrist’s kingdom. “You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men” (1 Cor. 7:23). The slaves of the conciliar “ministry of the griddle” have forgotten the price.
Source:
Catholic Insider Tip on Cooking For a Big Family: Get a 36-Inch Griddle (ncregister.com)
Date: 12.09.2026